Happy Valentine's Day

It's Valentine's day today, feel not excited about it although it's just 1 time in a year.. I dunno wat i'm thinking or feeling.. Hais.. last saturday watch movie with Jasper i dunno why i suddenly lie on his shoulder n i feel v secure.. I dunno why i have a though n tat's did i have a little feeling for him? I told myself not to think so much n continue watching that movie call homecoming.. It was a very nice movie, it's funny n meaningful i like it very much.. I try to make him happy coz i dun like to see him having a emo/ sad face, but i dunno why sometime i still make him angry.. He's a very good friend wish i dun wish to lose.. But i scare he will leave me 1 day n would't care about me again.. Sometime i like talking to him i dunno why n he's my 2nd guy friend that i'll tell them my Xin Shi.. Last time i'm very scare to tell ppl about my trouble n when i'm emo i'll be alone in a place look into the sky sitting down at a place for few minutes n went back to my hus.. I always think that i'm forever alone even i have a friend i think that they are not my friend i'm just like a toy to them, when they ned me they will come n find me but when they dun ned me they will throw me one side this kind of feeling make me hate making friends.. But wat can i do i really dun have de courage to trust anyone i'm scare.. I try not to let the one that care n love me worry about me, but sometime i fail to do that.. I always try to hide my emotional in work n sch but who know? I like going to a beach to look at the sea, stand at a side n feel de breeze it was so cool n relaxing it meke me feel better after that.. But i dunno when i'll have de time to go there again n with who or maybe i'll go there myself? Sometime being lonely is not bad but sometime you will feel scare without a reason...